Matthew Ellmers, Lead Facilitator
Nonviolent Communication has been a vital stimulus in the turning point of my view of life, the way I see myself, and the way I interact with the world. I no longer see myself as a victim of circumstances without any choice. Even being locked in prison I see how my choices will affect the outcome of this experience. Seeing “choice” no matter how small is liberating and empowering. I chose to study NVC. I choose to work diligently at becoming the best electrician I can. I choose to dedicate lots of time to fitness. These are all things I view as positive. I also chose to drink and drive. I didn’t see it as a choice at the time. To be honest I didn’t give it any consideration. I was sad and angry and had no way to express myself. These choices harmed so many people and caused so much irreversible damage. NVC has provided me with a consciousness and language to express myself whether it be to myself or others; that doesn’t hurt, blame, or judge anyone – including myself. It has also given me insight to know that when feelings arise I have something going on inside and needs that require addressing. I get to make the choice to address these issues before I get to an unmanageable state where I react in a way that cause harm to others or myself. NVC has also shown me that people rarely do things to intentionally hurt others, but we often hurt each other. When we do this, we have needs we’re trying to meet. This really helps take the sting out of it when someone harms me. If I can stay present and empathize with their needs I no longer take it personal and may not view it as a harm at all. This increased capacity for empathy has had the greatest impact on my inner dialog and the stories I tell myself. Instead of all the labels and judgment that I would apply to myself, I now am able to transform those into needs and formulate strategies to meet them. The peace that NVC has helped facilitate has fostered much healthier relationships with everyone in my life – spouse, loved ones, friends, co-workers, and myself.
